There’s this quote by Ray Bradbury from his book ‘Dandelion Wine’ that has literally changed my life over the past year. I think about it often and how it has brought so much clarity to my searching soul, yearning to understand. It’s given me the freedom to turn from trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and accept it as part of myself.
He writes “Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”
As a child I cried nonstop, longing to be held, and as I’ve grown, I’ve found it hasn’t changed. Throughout life it seems my heart has only become more sensitive to touch, and tears come too often and too quick. Hot tears in anger, quiet sobs of sorrow, tears of yearning, compassion, and prayer. Tears from fear, rejection, anxiety. If I could add up the hours I’ve cried, it’d probably be half my life.
For the longest time I resented this, I thought that a sad heart was something that needed to be fixed. If I became better, or had more friends, if I could fall in love, if I pursued the Lord more or beat my soul into submission, than surely something would change… surely joy would come. But through time, I began to understand that maybe some of us, were born with the saddness within us.
I believe that some people just bruise more easily than others. They carry the world on their shoulders and it’s burden in their hearts. I’m not trying to romanticize these things. I’m only trying to explain the ease I felt once I understood that saddness is more than an emotion, but it can be a part of someone’s very frame and nature… and that’s okay.
Having said all of that, my hope for you and for myself, is that even through the lens of tearful eyes, or a sad heart, that you would experience immeasurable joy. That for every heart wrenching sob, you would be able to feel the healing power of laughter. That you notice the little things in life, and find happiness in them. In the way a child laughs, or how the sun shines over the mountain. In the way the air smells on a rainy day, and the first strums of your favorite song. Most of all I hope you find joy in the warmth of family and friends, who give quiet to the torrents inside. That though we may get sad young, that we learn to see the flickers of happiness when it quietly chooses to come.